Thursday, June 03, 2004


Oh, George Tenet...goodbye. I wish I had a name that meant something else, like our dear departed CIA chief does. Maybe my name could be Clinton Principle or Clinton Precept. You know, I've never really ever heard anyone remark on Tenet's name. If Clinton Doctrine was on TV every day defending himself about how he got billions of dollars for his agency but couldn't stop a few unassuming people from blowing up some buildings and how he thought that basketball metaphors were an excuse for invading other countries, people would probably remark on that name.

"DCI Doctrine...that's an intriguing name for a government
official, wouldn't you say, Howard Fineman?"

"Oh yes, Chris...especially when the doctrine Doctrine seems to follow is one of screwing up all the time."

But just because I've never heard anyone remark on Tenet's name doesn't mean it's never happened. I just haven't heard it. And just when I was starting to think Thomas Friedman might be all right after all, I see him all over TV yesterday and today promoting some claptrap about outsourcing. He was probably on Lou Dobbs and I missed it.

Friedman was quite passionate about his love for outsourcing. But he was even-handed, boy lemme tell ya...he's one helluva straight-shooter. He was all like "I don't support or not support outsourcing, I'm just saying it's here to stay" and like "hey man, it's just all the shitty jobs that most people could do and would be hired for that are going overseas--all the good-paying jobs in management that only a handful of people in a small circle of jerks with MBAs will ever get hired for are staying here, dude." And he actually used the guys that started Google as an example of what everyone in America should be doing instead of being a phone person for a computer company. It's like, hey man, if you want a good job, just invent something that changes the world. You know, don't be poor--that's for trashy dumb people. All the smart people who deserve to make a living and support their families invent sophisticated technologies that really take off in the marketplace--I mean, isn't that what the majority of people do these days?

Hey Thomas Friedman--piss off with your olive oily mustache and your sexless Lexus. We all know how the world really works--protectionism for me, free trade for you. Socialism for the rich, free markets for the poor. And then one of these jackass TV hosts brings up John Kerry, saying "Oh Kerry's a staunch free trader--all this stuff about 'corporate Benedict Arnolds' and what not--that's just for the election." Well, of course they're right (I think it was Howard Fineman on Hardball yesterday. I mean, Kerry is just a taller, smarter, older, wiser, braver, more talented, more experienced, less privileged, less holier-than-thou, less delusional, less full of himself version of Bush. And that's unfortunate, but reality is usually a series of misfortunes that add up to nothing. Or something...

Oh whatever...

Oh one other thing: So I heard Rush Limbaugh today reading a story about some transexual getting a divorce. It was a man who became a woman, and, commenting on the article, Limbaugh said the person in question had had "the opposite of an 'addadickotomy" (which he pronounced "ADD-UH-DIK-OTT-UH-MEE). Rush Limbaugh, Mr. Conservative Values, said "Add a dick otomy." Get it? When a woman wants to become a man, Rush and his pals say she's having an add-a-dick-otomy because they're putting a DICK on her. For those precious, unstained, cleansed in the spirit, uber-churchy types out there--DICK is a slang word for that thing you shouldn't put a condom on because every time you have sex you should create precious, precious life. The Penis!!! Now I'm not sure, but I'd bet that's a violation of the new FCC standards. I know I wouldn't go on the air at the station where I work and talk about attaching DICKs to women. And if I or anyone else did, it would be solely in the context of an educational discussion about sex changes and I'd use the term "penis".

I'll have to look up those FCC standards and maybe make my first ever complaint to the FCC...

Hey Rush, piss off ya damn drug-addicted, un-"screw"led, conservataliban rat bastard...

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